Exposed

Playing Dress Up

celeste — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 06:08:42 +0000

We don’t know about you boys, but we can tell you one game many of us girls played as young folks was a game called Dress Up. Playing Dress Up meant donning our favorite fairy princess dress or sequined tutu, adding a little imagination and we were in for hours of entertainment. As sex and intimacy coaches, we always say, “Sex is where adults go to play”. Why not use the summer warmth of June as inspiration to play your own adult game of Dress Up? Dress Up can have many meanings, everything from brushing off that tux and evening gown and having a romantic candle-lit dinner at home, to remembering the joys of playing doctor, except this time you can go get yourself a lab coat, some black vinyl gloves and a thermometer and keep track as temperatures rise. What did you always want to be when you grew up? A fireman? A flight attendant? An astronaut? It’s not too late, at least not the in bedroom. Find yourself a fireman’s hat and you are half-way there. If you are lucky, the hat’s all you’ll need! If your coupled, play with a partner. If you are single, try dressing up and trying out a new persona out in the world - you may find a whole new sense of confidence!

Will You Star in My Movie?

celeste — Tue, 27 May 2008 05:20:50 +0000

Just about everyone has a fantasy or set of fantasies about what their best sexual experience would look like (your “movie”), yet, we rarely share these desires with our partner. Most people are scared to share their true fantasies of what their movie looks like - let’s face it, it is probably one of the most private and vulnerable risks you can take. At the same time, the payoff is IMMENSE!

You like Red movies, your partner likes Blue movies, every time you want to see a movie together, you compromise and see a Purple movie. The problem is, neither of you REALLY LOVES purple movies and you come home every time not quite satisfied. Many couple’s sex lives looks like this. If you are really lucky, your lover has a similar movie to you, but this is actually very rare. This month, we invite you to identify your movie, the character(s), the action, the set and, if you are coupled, we challenge you to share this deepest part of yourself with your partner. When you share there are two ESSENTIAL RULES:

1) NO JUDGEMENTS - Everyone’s fantasies are beautiful, whether or not you want to share in them.

2) YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO YOUR BOUNDARIES - While it is a beautiful gift to give your partner to really dive into the role of guest star in their movie, you also have a right to say which parts you are ready to try now, and which parts you might want to add in later. There may be some parts you never partake in, but we suggest you don’t shut the door to anything FOREVER, you never know, you might just change your mind…

If you would like some help identifying and sharing your deepest desires, of becoming the writer, producer and director of your own beautiful movie, we are always available for individual and couple’s coaching.

Variety’s Spices

celeste — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 05:22:01 +0000

If you’ve never masturbated outside with the sun shining on your body, if you’ve never shared breath with your partner as your lips barely touched, stepped foot in a sex toy store or took a sexy class, now is the time! You won’t know whether you enjoy something or not unless you actively give it a try! In the process, you may find that your sexuality and your turn-ons are much more complex, interesting, wild or tender than you may have thought.

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence

celeste — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 00:52:45 +0000

The core of self-connection for men is confidence. Many men have dealt with rejection or have been unsure about how to connect to women in whom they are truly interested. They give themselves negative messages that hinder their confidence and their willingness to take risks that will move them towards arousing and fulfilling connections. We invite you to begin to change those negative messages by getting less in your mind and more in your body and connecting your deepest passions and desires, your cock and and your gut to your actions in the outside world. One way to gain this deeper sense of confidence and connection is to spend a few minutes a day (and especially before trying to connect with a woman) doing the breathing techniques and exercises found in our articles Erotic Breathplay and Conscious Self-Exploration (you can download it at: http://www.celesteanddanielle.com/shopping.html).

You can also expand on this confidence in Become an Extraordinary Lover Levels 1, 2, and 3, we teach you how to walk in the world knowing that you possess the 7 qualities of an Extraordinary Lover.

Women - Beyond Sexual Dysfunction

celeste — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:41:36 +0000

We are so tired of the phrase “sexual dysfunction,” particularly when it is used to describe women who have not yet experienced their first orgasm. Here’s what we want you to know: you are not broken and you are not alone! Both women’s and men’s sexuality are truly extraordinary and multi-faceted and so often they are simply boiled down to whether or not we can come, how often and with what kinds of stimulation (i.e. with a vibrator or without a vibrator – for more on this check out our vibe blog). Yet, this is just one small part of our potential sexual joy and our sensuality. When we focus on it as a problem that needs to be fixed, we begin to lose the truth of ourselves, that, at our core, all women are sensuous goddesses whose bodies can experience sensation and pleasure and whose hearts can experience passion and connection. There are ways to learn to orgasm and we help many women have their first orgasm, however, this process begins with a return to your own desires, and a return to the knowledge that you are already a perfect, luscious and yes, sexual, being with or without this particular set of muscle spasms. In February, we will begin an ongoing women’s group for all women that will focus on empowerment in our erotic lives and our relationships. We invite you to join us and take your desires, your pleasures and your life into your own hands so you can create the most healthy and loving relationships you have ever had.

Oral Freedom

celeste — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 22:23:36 +0000

In the U.S., most of the words we consider to be “vulgar” are words that have to do with sex, or, at least with bodily functions. If something goes terribly wrong, we shout out words that indicate sexual intercourse or defecation and, to really offend someone, you either say something that indicates that they’ve had sex with their mother or that their mother is overly sexual, (i.e. no better than a female dog in heat). This isn’t true for every country. For example, when French Canadians swear, they use words like “calisse” (literally challis) or “tabarnak” (derived from tabernacle), words that disrespect the church or religion. We think the use of sex-based or body-based swear words is merely one more indication of the sex negativity of our society and we refuse to buy into it. Sure, the words we have in the U.S. may not be ideal, but that doesn’t mean we should borrow those of other cultures and eschew our own charged and imperfect options. So we choose to reclaim them, and we use these words in our workshops and in our day-to-day discussions of sexuality. We have our favorites, “cock” for men, “pussy” for women and we embrace all of your favorites as well. If one of our male clients comes in and has a dick, a peter or a “Goodyear Blimp”, we say “hooray,” if a woman comes in and she has a vulva, a cunt, or a “Clitty Cat,” we say “bravo.” In the South, when someone swears, you might hear another person quickly correct them by saying “don’t use Language with me.” Language is powerful, important and mutable (our use of words changes their meaning) and swear words are no more than that, a part of our language. We can use them lovingingly or with fear, we can give in to sex-negativity or make these words our own. So we say to all you men out there, “you have a beautiful cock” and to the women “you have the most luscious pussy”! We encourage you to be playful with sexual and sexy words and experience the joy of oral freedom. Try on some new ones everyday, make up some of your own and see which words fit best for you!

Sensational Porn

celeste — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 18:02:31 +0000

There are many plusses and minuses to porn, and it would take much longer than a short blog to discuss all of them so, in the interest of time, we want to start out by saying that porn can be a wonderful addition to a person’s or a couple’s sexual life. Many folks have talked about the downsides of porn, but mostly in terms of its social implications (i.e. they question whether or not it is harmful to women, etc.). As sex therapists, one of the biggest problems we see with porn however, has to do with a reduction in sensation. The reason porn reduces sensation in the body is because it basically bypasses the body’s natural arousal curve, often putting us immediately to the brink of orgasm with very little bodily stimulation. It also focuses us almost entirely on visual stimulation, leaving the other senses behind. We see many men coming into our practice after years of masturbation with porn who have difficulties being sexual with their own partners, either they are unable to get an erection or they ejaculate very quickly. We have a fun, playful solution that you might try with your sweetheart or with yourself. We call it “Sensation Porn.” It’s time for you to be director, screenwriter and actor so get out your video camera and make a movie of your own. The plot, the action, and the dialogue can be all yours. To make it truly sensational, the only thing we suggest is that, somewhere in your movie, every part of your body (or bodies) is touched, kissed, scratched, stroked, tickled, bitten, spanked or teased. If you’re masturbating, you can touch and tease yourself all over using different kinds of stimulators – feathers, massagers, back scratchers and more. Make sure you engage all of your senses, bring in delicious scents, tasty treats, and good music or make some of your own sexy sounds. Take time feeling your entire body before you even begin to think about orgasm, let the orgasm come to you. Each time you go back and watch it, it will be a continual reminder of the importance of sensation to your overall sexual experience and the long-term health of your arousal and sexual response. Who knows, you might even decide you’d rather turn it off, put a blindfold on and just feel, smell, taste, hear and touch. We certainly aren’t suggesting that people need to quit ever watching porn, though it might be a good idea to give yourself a little all-over body foreplay before you turn on your favorite movie – we also suggest you watch a wide variety of porn to keep your brain open to multiple turn-ons.

Making time for a sex date

celeste — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 05:06:01 +0000

Sometimes when we suggest that people make a sex date with themselves or their sweethearts, they say, “but that sounds forced, shouldn’t it just be spontaneous?” That’s what they say until they actually try it. Once they try they say, “I can’t believe how wonderful it was to set aside a full evening for sex and sensuality. I felt relaxed, open, and like I could fully dive in and enjoy myself.” We suggest you try a sex date with your self or your sweetheart. Make sure that you take a little bit of time to plan the date, try a new toy or outfit or place you haven’t been sexual before and take a few minutes to connect through breath, eye gazing or telling yourself or each other some sweet or sexy thoughts. Make this little bit of extra effort and watch how your days are filled with passion and how time melts away between your thighs.

Men - Harness Your Sexual Energy!

celeste — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:06:54 +0000

There is nothing more sexy to women than a man who knows how to build, harness and use his sexual power and energy. So close your eyes, take a deep breath, and sit with yourself for just a minute. Notice how you feel in your body. Are you aware of and connected to your erotic power? Do you feel confident that women will be able to feel the strength of this energy when you walk into the room, speak to them, or touch them? There are many ways to deepen and hone this skill so that women are drawn to you before you even approach them. We suggest you begin with a daily 9 minute practice by downloading our Boost Your Sexual Confidence breathwork session for men. If you really want to get a jumpstart on harnessing and using your sexual energy join us for the upcoming Become an Extraordinary Lover workshop!

Couple’s Coaching - Why Hands-On?

celeste — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 06:23:47 +0000

It always amazes us how much information and transformation happens when we begin to coach experientially and hands-on with couples. While talking and learning to communicate face to face is very productive, when it comes to sex, much of the communication is non-verbal. Many people find it challenging to communicate their desires, to check on their partner if they are not sure that they are engaged in the sexual encounter, and to tell a partner when they are or aren’t enjoying themselves.

When we introduce hands on coaching to couples, some get nervous: “Do you want us to have sex in front of you?” As much as it might sound arousing to the reader, it can also be scary, and bring taboos and fears immediately to the surface - therefore we always stay within a couple’s comfort level. When a couple begins touching each other in the coaching room, a whole different aspect of their relating appears in the room. For example, when they explore a connecting breath, they might find out that they have strong connection on a heart level but nowhere else, they just aren’t feeling each other sexually. When they begin caressing each other, even when it comes to face and hand caresses, the real dynamics between them surface. When we see people interact at this level of intimacy, we can target our coaching much more quickly. For example, we might find that one partner is very dominant and that the other partner is terrified to move or touch with confidence. We might see that one is too focused on orgasm, and forgets to have fun (this is exactly when orgasms become stubborn and sneaky, and gets away from us without peaking). We love helping couples connect when they touch, caress, and make love. We love helping them ask for what they want and communicate their desires. We love watching them realize that YES - there is hope for their sexual relationship. We love watching them connect on a deeper, more fulfilling and more intimate level.